As I reflect on my life, I can’t help but notice how often I’ve let my fears stand in the way of me doing or trying something that deep down inside I’m longing to do. It’s not so much that I’m actually afraid, as in feeling scared, but rather, I think, feelings of inadequacy. For example, for the last 20 years I’ve dreamt about being a mixed media artist – I could see myself creating, I could even see the beautiful works of art I created. I bought supplies (LOTS of supplies), I bought books and magazines and I took classes where I copied EXACTLY what the instructor taught – but I would never let my own creativity loose, and follow my own inspirations, or delve into my own possibilities…..because I was afraid…..I was afraid that if/when I did, I would discover that what I had pictured all these years really was just a dream, and that no matter how hard I tried I would never make my dreams a reality or become what I aspired to be.
It wasn’t until I finally gave myself permission to fail, that I was able to let go of my fears. The last mixed media canvas I shared with you represented my connection with the artist within me – the artist that I thought only lived in my dreams.
Today’s mixed media canvas represents my process of letting go of my fears (in this area anyways LOL) – and it’s deeply meaningful to me. While the colors are “happy” colors, the girl is in a pose of deep reflection. Which is where I’m at right now. I can’t help but feel a deep sadness at all the time I lost, where I could have been doing something I really love, and all because of unfounded fears. Yet at the same time, I’m also filled with anticipation at the new and exciting world that’s opened up to me.
Stamps: S4878 Old Letter Writing, S5216 Grid Pattern (Hero Arts); SMP1435 Doilies Stamp Sheet (Maya Road); Butterfly Garden Collection Impressions No. 14 (Pink Paislee); Music Notes Standard Wheel (Stampin’ Up!)
Mediums: Claudine Hellmuth Multi-Medium Matte, Stickles (Ranger); Fluid acrylics, glaze, heavy body paints, modeling paste (Golden); Pitt Big Brush Pens, Pitt Artist Pen Black Fineliner (Faber-Castell); professional acrylic ink (Liquitex); Sharpie white poster paint pen (Sharpie)
Paper: old book paper (antique store); Newsprint DP (Stampin’ Up!), sewing pattern tissue paper (thrift store); Marrakech 6″ x 6″ pad (Basic Gray); Reflections 6″ x 6″ pad (Prima); paper doily (other)
Accessories: brown pearls (dollar store); lace (unknown), rub-ons from Stampin’ Up! and Kaiser Craft; flower (Prima)